New balls or not, a very competitive match kicked off our 2021 Trip and despite much endeavour, the elite squad finished 1-2 down. Second rubber to follow on Sunday. Table tennis produced a large squad, which was ably captained by David Martin, who ran out 22-16 winners. Paul Broadbent also picked a winning squad and won the Volleyball 2-1. Just the start we needed. ‘Meadowlark Calfe’ reversed the 2019 result and won 14-10 on the basketball court, and our own ‘White Goodman,’ Ciaron Sykesʼ team won the Dodgeball. The overall scoreboard now stood at 4-1, things couldn’t be betterer! Unfortunately the Veterans 5-a-side football took the shine off of the afternoon with a 14-2 defeat.

Meanwhile, back at Tregarthens, President Pete basked in the glory of a successful start to the 2021Trip and the end of his extended reign. Despite cries of “Two more years” the President handed his balls over to our new President, Wilf Feely.

The hotel staff were introduced to us, and sponsors introduced their ‘New Boys’. David Broadbent, Sean Calfe and Guy Simmons were flushed in and became fully fledged Mal de Mers. Ex President Andy Clay introduced us to his New Boy John Cook, Sean Calfe presented a brace of New Boys in Oli Collins and James Barry, and finally Graham Willington introduced us to Hamish de Nett, his grandson. Various fines were given out, along with some splended new School caps. ‘Dunce of the Day’ was awarded to David Martin for being late for dinner. Let’s get a beer!

Thursday’s here already… What’s that light-headed feeling? It can’t be the beer, it must be Twin-Otter lag! Anyway the weatherʼs bound to improve. Golf competitions began for the Perry Pot and the Morgan Mug, won respectively by Andy Smith and Ciaron Sykes. The President thundered his drive 220 paces down the first fairway (@ 167 yds). Good to see Stewards John and Sarah at the club, they make us so welcome.

Down to Coma Cove for all things gritty! 4-2 up, on the overall score, this was a big chance to put the result beyond doubt. In 2019 we had lost the beach football 12-5, obviously just a hiccup. Well, this year was just a burp and we lost 6-3. The beach volleyball started brightly, with a first leg victory but went down-dune after that, with us eventually losing 3-1. Thank you Hamish de Nett for supplying the beers. The defibrillator was connected to the extension cable, as 11 Mals tentatively took to the balmy briny. I counted them all out and eventually counted them all back. The Island soft-ball team heard that Fancy Dann was our captain so didn’t show up! Having lost the football and the volleyball it was only fair that we claimed a victory for a no-show. Captain Jim Ward selected a very strong squad for hockey and with the ref on our side as well, a 6-0 victory concluded the afternoon well. Time for some more beer.

A rousing speech by the President girded our loins for our ‘Special Mission’ to the Scillonian. The darts and the pool were both very competitive and unfortunately lost by the narrowest of margins, 5-3 and 7-4. The highlight being our President winning a pool match against a local hustler in front of a packed crowd to the sound of ʻoooh Wilf Feely!ʼ Another great evening of yarns and good humour. Let’s hope the weather improves for tomorrow.

Friday started a bit on the dark side, but after about 3 hours sleep the sun eventually rose. Everything was a
bit brighter outside, and the American Foursomes tee’d off, and despite Alex explaining the result nobody was any the wiser! I think Shaun and Peter Nelstrop won,
 but I’m not too sure. Anyway they claimed the George Twist Tankards.

Now for the Blue Riband event and to chase a win that has avoided us for the past 9 years. Its time for the Golf Match! A shrewd selection policy from ‘El Sabio’, loading the back end saw a very famous victory for the Mals. A fantastic team result! It would be unfair to pick out any individuals, but New Boy John Cooks 55 foot putt on the 5th, after being carried for the other 17 holes by the DG, was a real highlight. A 5-4 thrashing; just what the President ordered. The bowls team also avenged their 2019 loss winning 4-0. These are the best times! Following the open top bus ride and civic reception it was time for Dinner at Tregarthens. Keith Williams proposed a toast to the New Boys. Hamish de Nett colourfully responded mentioning playing with Keith and self-flagellation…

Big night again! Mostly special mission stuff, badminton, rifle shooting, archery and snooker. Gone are those days of a packed Town Hall with the crowd rocking, it’s just straight down the school, four courts, wham, bam we lost 3-1. The Bryant Brothers, sorry the Broadbent Brothers managed to keep some respect to the score. Rifle shooting was a completely different affair, with Gunner Applewhite scoring a 98/100. “Shoulders back lovely boy!” Sergeant Major Epton also scored quite a few, and captained the team to victory. Now for some bogenschieben! This was cancelled in 2019. Alistair’s Merry Men defeated the Islanders, with Jim Ward being Top 
Bow. Meanwhile up at the vineyard our resident sommelier, Oncle Saucisson downed a few
nice reds, followed by the odd rosé and the Mals won 3-1. Guy Simmons played a corking
match! Lincolnshire la la la! (I know this is your first relapse but it must stop, Ed.) Time for
some electrolytes.

Super Saturday! Many Blue Riband events today. The golf course was only just visible through the rain. Alistair Hick won the Bishop’s Beaker and disappointingly no Goofer handed in a complete card, which meant the Nosworthy Noggin remained unclaimed. The rain continued to lash down and inevitably the cricket was cancelled. Footballers being of sterner stuff braved the weather and probably wished they hadn’t! Endeavour was never in doubt, but I’m afraid the Woolpack Wanderers, who always win or are runners up in their league, proved far too skilful and won easily, 17-0. Why donʼt we go out for dinner tonight for a change? What a treat for all the sixth formers as well as the new entrants, a night down at The Mermaid! The Headmaster kept an eye on the known troublemakers and a very successful evening was had by all.

Back to Tregarthens for the quiz. Bad luck dogged us again and we narrowly lost. Just one more event on a not so super Saturday for the Mals. Captain Rob Epton’s finely trained Boat Race team fell at the final gulp. It must have been the weather, so let’s stay up late and sing some songs.

Sunday broke on the showery side. Clay shooters to the airport, cricket and tennis players to the quay. Enthusiasm was dampened even more when we heard that the Islands tennis team had tested positive and wouldn’t be making the second leg. The weather was picking up and the extra cloud would suit our swing attack. Tresco batted first and totalled a respectable 136. We replied and without much backup Jim Ward scored 79 not out. James Barry did a Fosbury flop over the boundary wall whilst trying to take a catch. Paul Calfe had a great debut behind the stumps but we finished 10 runs short. Well played Tresco.

Other news on social media was also not good! Despite David Epton being ‘Top Gun’ the Clay shooting team failed to retain their trophy.

A mixed team of Mals/Islanders took to the field for the second leg of the football against the Garrison Gunners. A more competitive game, led to the Mals all stars winning 5-0.

Where has the week gone? It’s guest night dinner already. A full dining room plus annexe made it a lively evening. The Merit Trophy winner was revealed as Thomas Hicks from St.Agnes. I think we will get to know him better once he has returned from the mainland, not only has Thomas been an example to his fellow pupils at Five Islands School he is a useful ‘sportsperson’.

Time for the Thespians. An adaptation of the Charles Dickens novel ‘Wilfious Wickedly’, with the brutal Andy Smith playing Wackford Squeers, CEO of DotheMals Hall. Tough on truancy
and seagulls!

Monday arrived a little drier but still very windy. The golf competition was a ‘Portuguese One Club.’ Nobody apart from the Golf Organizator had heard of this format before, which lead Alex to be in his element! He could explain the rules as he interpreted them and nobody could argue. Apparently Oli Collins, John Cook, David Martin and Graham Willington were the winners. Nobody was sure why, which meant it fitted in well with all the other competitions.

St. Martins cricket team declared without bowling a ball and Andy Clay declared the sea a no go area, leaving the staff and pupils two free periods. Choir practice was held down The Mermaid and a raucous afternoon was had by all.

End of term, speech day commenced back at St.Tregarthian’s. The headmaster presented all the various trophies and reminded the assembly that some pupils were behind with their school fees.

Thank you Wilf for an exciting ʻTrip.’ Power only went to your head once I believe. Awarding yourself three penalty shots at the end of your pool game was a masterstroke!